Is today another turkey day for you? Are you doing the dinner thing with family and friends? Do you really want to?
I am not saying not to do the ritual Thanksgiving event. I’m just checking if there are some changes this holiday, hopefully with no regrets or hurting someone’s feelings. Sometimes our habits change along with friends. The holidays are upon us. What is your schedule? Remember: Being alone is OK. We all do not have family during the holiday season.
I've had big holiday parties in my heyday — as the expression goes. Even though they were potlucks, I always cooked enough for almost 100 people. There was always more then that number who came to my apartment. That was my joy — family and friends all coming together, eating and drinking heartily.
At the time, I lived in a 7-room flat in the Fillmore. I advertised in the local paper, and strangers came to the house. People get lonely during the holidays.
When I lived in New York with my family, we looked forward to the holidays. The neighbor’s children always came to Ms. Mary’s house for hors d’oeuvres because that was my ritual for my children and the neighbor’s children. No adults were invited to the pre-dinner event.
If it was Xmas, the kids would come in and my children were free in sharing what they received for Xmas. If it was Thanksgiving, we went to the Macy’s Day Parade.
Guess what I do now in my 70s.
Even though I have enough family that could fill the restaurant called the Sizzler here in San Francisco, I am fortunate to have this brood in my lifetime.
Don’t panic because you’re experiencing changes during this holiday.
I once enrolled in a speech class for credit. The professor and I were both 49 years old. She gave us an interesting piece of information as a project in 1978. At the time, I thought it was insignificant, but I followed the information through. The teacher told us to write all of the friends and activities we enjoyed; also the folks in our lives that had impacted our future and/or played a major part in our life.
How does Thanksgiving fit into this information? I have experienced different situations with each holiday. From those times, I have wonderful memories of the smiling faces of my children and their friends that cannot ever be replaced. Those events made my children feel special. I came into my stepdaughters’ lives when they were ages 2, 5 and 8. They had been living in that complex for eight years before I married their father. Their moms had passed. It was fun for all of us.
What a joy!
The teacher suggested that we write from that list. I have three people still on that same list since 1978. That is not a bad thing, because there have been subtractions and additions to the list. This Thanksgiving I will be away having dinner with an individual who is dear to my heart. It can’t get any better then that. Do get my drift. We will cook our dinner, but my past memories will not be lost. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. It’s about you.
Will you have Thanksgiving alone? Will you volunteer bringing joy to others without family, friends or disabled? Will your family understand? Thanksgiving is the joy. GIVE!
Mary Midgett is the author of “New York flavor with a San Francisco Beat.”
Also, she is available to do presentations on social and family negotiations. View “Host for older women’s issues” at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kA9HwhKY40U&feature=relmfu.
